Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Wallpapering

I love making my house a home. Those little touches that show who we are, what we believe, what we love!!!! Before I was diagnosed I got my license for interior designer. I was so excited - the world was out there just waiting for me. I wanted to take what people had in their homes and turn it into a new haven for them. No elaborate cost or expenditures,-- But when I started feeling so weak and tired and then I found THE LUMP on my neck, my desires and motivations were put on hold. At that time I was redoing rooms in our own home. It's an old farm house, partly 1700's, partly l800's. One room at a time was my agenda and I had finally finished the downstairs and was ready for our bedroom. I had it all planned out, a little different from what most would choose, but appealing and comfortable for Jimmy and myself. I bought the wallpaper, paste, paint, new paint brushes and trays. So excited ----- and then the diagnosis and my world turned into fulltime cancer fighting. That was 7 l/2 years ago and today I AM IN REMISSION. AND also today I am going to finish wallpapering our bedroom, which has sat there craving attention and love, its lack of attention pointing all the time to the fact that cancer was trying with everything it had to control our lives. I see now how really my life was focused around cancer and though I fought tooth and nail, I was giving it way too much power. It diverted me from the things I loved, it took my identity, which I am still in search of, and left me smiling on the outside but in fear and pain inside. NO MORE!!! One day at time I am finding the new me that has evolved. I am finding peace and I am finding time TODAY to wallpaper my bedroom. As strange as it sounds, this is really a day of celebration!!! We can actually sense it in our home. Thank you for today, Lord and for bringing me to this place. I haven't enjoyed the journey many times and I may struggle again, but today, I KNOW that I CAN and I WILL.

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